So, I’m a 25 year old black female, who does not really know what it is to be black. I would say that my dad is very liberal, so I do not know much about the traditions of his forefathers – therefor not his, nor mine.
It is 2015, and I am at that point when I am considering getting married. I have not found my husband yet, but I am worried that when the moment arrives, we won’t be prepared.
I mean, he might know exactly what to do – according to his traditions – but what about mine. I know a little of my mom’s, but let’s face it, according to black culture – I am not Xhosa, nor was I ever introduced to the Xhosa ancestors as their own. So, what now?
So, we all have an idea of what lobola is, right? But why should my future husband’s family have to thank mine for raising me well, and mine not have to reciprocate the same appreciation towards his family?
I am not against lobola, but at the same time, I am a young individual still starting to manage my own life and surely – so is my future husband. Does this mean that we need to take out a loan just to please our elders – even those who up to now have been non-caring about their traditions?
How about we just go to a justice of the court, sign a form and have a braai afterwards to celebrate with everyone? Then we can still afford to pay for a house of our own, pay for food, and possibly even a small honeymoon in Stellenbosch – so that I can go wine tasting?
I don’t want to write a long essay highlighting nor criticising the de/merits of lobola, but I hope that I have made my point.
So, what do I do when I meet the man I so long to marry, and he is broke?
3TimeI'mCharmed 