I woke up one morning, with a new vigour that I had never experienced before. Unusual to my nature, I made myself a big breakfast with coffee. I then went up to my bedroom and put on my laptop to watch a movie. I would study the afternoon. You see, I was on leave, and would have enough time to study for my exams. I had an important exam the following day. Well, I guess all of them are important. Nonetheless, I was ready to tackle this thing from different angles. I had all my notes, question papers, the works. What I did not know was that it would never happen.
I woke up on an unfamiliar bed. Well, kind of. I had been here before, I just could not place the place. My head was spinning, and I could not understand what was going on.
I caught a bit of the conversation of the people that were in the room. “She’s the one that tried to commit suicide.” But..?
Of course, I had not tried to kill myself.
Let me explain myself. That afternoon when I sat on my couch to watch that movie, I don’t even recall what it was, I did not intend to kill myself. I just wanted to feel numb, like my insides. You see, all I took were 9 pills – that’s all I had left. I had given the rest to a friend to keep safe so that I wouldn’t overdose. See, at the time I was a danger to myself, and the only way was to ration my medication. Except she had forgotten to give me only one pill. So in my attempt to feel numb, I almost killed myself.
I had lost time to darkness. She says I was convulsing, frothing at the mouth. What saved me is that she is a nurse. She knew what to do. But she was scared too.
So, I woke up in a strange bed, with no shoes on, and no one to blame but myself.
The guilt, it tears you apart.
What if I had died? What if I had succeeded? Was the dark all that would come? Or…