The day I almost died

I woke up one morning, with a new vigour that I had never experienced before.  Unusual to my nature, I made myself a big breakfast with coffee.  I then went up to my bedroom and put on my laptop to watch a movie.  I would study the afternoon.  You see, I was on leave, and would have enough time to study for my exams.  I had an important exam the following day.  Well, I guess all of them are important.  Nonetheless, I was ready to tackle this thing from different angles.  I had all my notes, question papers, the works.  What I did not know was that it would never happen.

I woke up on an unfamiliar bed.  Well, kind of.  I had been here before, I just could not place the place.  My head was spinning, and I could not understand what was going on.

I caught a bit of the conversation of the people that were in the room. “She’s the one that tried to commit suicide.”  But..?

Of course, I had not tried to kill myself.

Let me explain myself.  That afternoon when I sat on my couch to watch that movie, I don’t even recall what it was, I did not intend to kill myself.  I just wanted to feel numb, like my insides.  You see, all I took were 9 pills – that’s all I had left.  I had given the rest to a friend to keep safe so that I wouldn’t overdose.  See, at the time I was a danger to myself, and the only way was to ration my medication.  Except she had forgotten to give me only one pill.  So in my attempt to feel numb, I almost killed myself.

I had lost time to darkness.  She says I was convulsing, frothing at the mouth.  What saved me is that she is a nurse.  She knew what to do.  But she was scared too.

So, I woke up in a strange bed, with no shoes on, and no one to blame but myself.

The guilt, it tears you apart.

What if I had died? What if I had succeeded? Was the dark all that would come? Or…